I am not an attractive person. I think the celebrity I look most like is Rimmer from "Red Dwarf":
Nevertheless, through the use of guile and flattery, I convinced an attractive woman to marry me. I assume that the reason we're still married is because she hasn't figured out how ugly I really am.
Whenever anyone meets my wife or sees a picture of her, their first comment is, "She's very beautiful" or something to that effect. Normally, I would appreciate such a comment because in my opinion, she is very beautiful. However, when most people say that, they say it with an air of surprise. It's as if they were saying, "Wow, she's a lot more beautiful than I expected for someone as hideously ugly as you." Well, you may be right, but for the love of pete don't tell her! I don't have a job yet, so at least wait until I can buy her love. Then tell her whatever you want.