Thursday, May 01, 2008

"Charlton Heston Is My President"

No, he's not. I did however have another great shooting experience. This time I took my little sister and my wife shooting in the foothills behind my house. We started by shooting the .22 rifle which was an old pump action Winchester rifle (I can't even find a picture of it) and it was super good fun. I really enjoy shooting the .22 because it's like shooting a high-power pellet gun - it's all about precision rather than power. We had a little marksman contest and my little sister beat me but I feel no shame. If you knew my little sister, you wouldn't be surprised nor would you feel that I had been humiliated. She's actually quite good. While we were shooting the .22, my little sister said to me, "I don't see where the power trip comes from." I told her to wait.

We next fired the AR-15. It is so choice. While the actual bullet is little bigger than the .22 (it's only a .223 caliber, so 3/1000ths of a millimeter bigger - I think), there is about 5 times the powder behind it. That's a gun that lets you feel the power trip. It feels so sleek in your hands and its firing mechanism is just a work of art. We shot at an international law textbook that I couldn't sell back and we confirmed one of my theories: that if someone were to shoot at me with a handgun, the textbooks in my backpack would probably be able to stop a bullet. From about 50 feet, the bullet didn't even make it through the table of contents. On the other hand, it obliterated the pink lady apples we brought along. At one point, I was demonstrating how to fire it and I thought, "I'm only shooting one round, I'm not going to need ear protection." Nope. I felt like my ears had been punched, hard. It's a very loud gun.

After that, we shot a 12 gauge shotgun. Both of my chromosonally uniform companions had the same problem - it almost knocked them over. It also obliterated the pink lady apples, as well as the small bottles, the big can, and it blew this hole in Carter's International Law:

It would have blown out the entire back of the book had it not been on the ground. Clearly, my book would not have done much against a shotgun at close range.

Once again, this experience taught me some valuable lessons. First, the killing power of the AR-15 is incredible. On the marquee at the gun store they had the following two phrases:
Barak says you don't need high capacity mags - get some quick
(I know, they spelled 'Barack' wrong); and
Hillary says you don't need an AR - get one while you still can
They're right. We shot an AR-15 with 30 round magazines. The AR has an incredible range, is very accurate, and firing off 30 rounds in rapid succession wouldn't do too much to decrease your accuracy. If I wanted to kill a whole bunch of people really fast, that would be a pretty effective way of doing it. Unless you're hunting one of nature's super animals like the flying squirrel or the electric eel, you don't need one and you probably shouldn't have one. The potential for violent, illegitimate use is too great to justify allowing everyday people to own such a powerful weapon.

Second, shotguns are much more deadly than I previously gave them credit for. If you're buying a gun to stop intruders in your house, I recommend getting a shotgun. You can both stop the intruder and repaint your walls at the same time! Win-win! It's no surprise that it's so effective against the Flood, but I digress. My point is that if you're worried about home intruders or the government taking your food, a shotgun is a pretty good way of stopping them. It's not as kill-y as the AR because of it's limited ammo capacity and range, but it's still a very effective close range weapon capable of protecting you and your loved ones from the bloated socialist government that so greedily wants to take away your guns and rights. But mostly your guns.

Rest in peace, Moses.


red said...

Whatever. Please stop telling people that your poor helpless wimpy wife almost got tipped over by a silly gun. I just didn't like that it hit my shoulder. Tipped over...seriously...I should tip you over :)

And you forgot to mention that if I had to kill someone the AR-15 would be my "legal" gun of choice. Hopefully it never comes to that because that gun is SOO fun to shoot. I was totally bummed when we ran out of ammo.

i wonder if the dudes that worship Charleton Heston realize that he's an actor. Like a theater nerd..oh wait. Theater nerds make the best right wing psychos :)

red said...

oh crap I forgot he died. NO disrespect sir.